When Morris was in preschool, some parents put together a laminated placemat as an end of year momento for the students. Even though Morris has parted from his preschool comrades, he still enjoys using the placemat at mealtime.

One night at dinner he requested it and was occupied so nicely having "conversations" with all his buddies.

Look at all the nice smiling faces from Mo's preschool days.

Little did I know what my "sweet" Mo was up to.

The school owner and teachers got a heavy dose of Mo's artistic skills.

Teacher Carolyn was spared "because she likes Brett Favre." (That's my boy!)

No mercy!

At least he's loyal. No Sharpie makeover for himself or his preschool girlfriends, Samantha and Devin.

Taking a shower is my 5 minutes of freedom.

No kids. No worries. Just me and the water.

So as I open the shower door, I'm shocked when I hear a little voice say, "hi mommy."

And not just any voice, it's Morris and he's using that cunning little voice he uses like when he's about to ask for a popsicle even though he just ate 3, or the same voice when it's bedtime and he wants "just 5 more minutes please."

But here's the kicker, he undresses me with his eyeballs not once, but TWICE. Yes! He looked me up and down like one of those dirty scummy guys in a nightclub that you spend all night avoiding eye contact with because you know he's gonna ask you to dance or try to buy you a cheap drink. 

I felt so violated, and by a 5 year old. OMG.

It made me think of the time I walked into the bathroom and saw my mom taking a bath. It totally grossed me out. 

Then, I began to worry that Morris would have the same after effects having just seen me in my birthday suit.

So, we had a conversation (after I dressed).

Me: Hey Morris.

Peeping Tom: (in that cunning voice)....HI MOM (eyebrow lift, eyebrow lift).

Me: So, ummm, let's see....

Morris: (interrupting)...I know you said I couldn't marry my cousin when I got older.

Me: Yes, that's right. You can't marry your cousin.

Morris: And if I have a sister, I can't marry her either.

Me: Yes, that's correct.

Morris: Well, can I marry my MOM?

Ok, my kid's gonna be fine.

Sometimes I just sit back and watch my boys. I try and calculate their next move. But, especially Morris because he is such a wild child.

Like, could I really guess he was gonna climb to the top of the granite fountain and jump down just before all 8 feet of the cascading waterfall came crashing on the pavement?

But, in watching Morris, I have made a few conclusions.

He's a pretty cool  kid. Very laid back.

He even matches his tattoos with his gear. Usually superhero of some sort.

He also has a really silly and sweet side.

I wonder where he gets these wonderful traits...

Morris is smitten with girls.

His whole energy changes when he's around them.

Seriously, he literally melts and gets all coy and playful.

We're talking about a kid that picks up dead animals with his bare hands.

A boy with a right hook like no other.

Someone who will drop kick you faster than you can say, "NO!".

He gets this dreary look in his eyes, this sparkle, that I have noticed lately whenever he has a connection with a female friend.

I'm sure this is normal, but it makes me fast forward about 10 years from now. I am so not ready for that.

I'll just enjoy the innocence and pureness of it now.

And any little Biatchhhh that breaks my boy's heart will be answering to me.

I'm gonna be the hussy filter.

I must really love you guys.

I went deep into the trenches for ya'll.

Got Milk? hosted a great event at bld, a great hip LA restaurant.

I was forced into sampling over 10 different milkshakes and an onslaught of homemade pastries.

The theme was "What a Milkshake Says About Your Personality."

This was up Mo's alley, so I figured I'd earn some cool points and take him.

I had more fun than he did.

He ended up playing with a slinky the whole time.

What on Earth was my kid doing???!!!

So much for my trusty assistant.

It was my mission to try all the milkshake flavors so I could report accurately to you guys.

The result of my milkshake/personality test:

Salted Caramel: For a person who is sassy and sweet.

Really? ME, sassy? Obviously, sweet, but sassy? NEVER!

Ironically, this is the absolute last one I tasted. I avoided it because I hate salt and thought it would be gross. It wasn't. It was much better than gross. It was great.

I want one now.

The torch has officially been passed...there is a positive side to hand-me-downs.

It is very rare that I come across something edible that can be enjoyed by me, Bronson, AND Mo.

But recently I found something that can be eaten with pleasure by baby, preschooler, mom, and grandma.

Trader Joe's Pear Sauce.

It has only 6 ingredients: Bartlett pears, water, pear juice concentrate, lime juice concentrate, lemon juice concentrate, natural flavor. I'm not a label nut (who has time to read that crap?) but it makes me feel somewhat like a responsible mom when I'm giving the kids (and myself) something with a little nutritional substance.

The best thing about this stuff is the the texture. You know how applesauce is so mushy and slimy? The pear sauce has texture and tiny bits of pear, so there is no confusion as to if you're drinking it or eating it.

When I worked in a nursing home, I would get so grossed out whenever I saw applesauce. The patients ate it like they were drinking soup. It was so watery and gross. I developed an aversion to it. 

My only complaint about the pear sauce is that there are only 4 containers per pack. Seriously, this stuff is so good, I ate 2 cups without even blinking, and even dipped into the cup the boys were sharing. Me and Mo were were fighting over the last cup. Poor little Bronson didn't even stand a chance. We just ignored his grunts and grimes for more like he were asking for a diaper change.

Yes, Trader Joe's pear sauce is definitely a winner. Go get it before I beat you to it.