Naomi vs. Angelina
Since I have 2 boys, people are always asking if they have similar personalities. Yes and no.
They are both Gemini. They have a 4 year age difference, but their birthdays are 2 weeks apart.
The easiest way to put it into perspective is this:
Mo (Morris) has the same bday as Naomi Campbell.
B (Bronson) has the same bday as Angelina Jolie.
Mo: Very intense and emotional. He’s meticulous and an extreme perfectionist. He is ultra competitive in everything he does and doesn’t like to be 2nd best in anything. When he’s happy, it’s almost as if he’s drunk. When he’s angry, his jugular vein bulges. He needs attention, but doesn’t neccesarily have to be the center of attention at gatherings. He has a quiet confidence and always surveys a situation or circumstance before taking action. Gets bored easily, especially when he’s not challenged. He’s very protective of people he loves and has a passion for fighting and being physical, although he is rarely the aggressor. Loves the ladies, girls, females, etc…
B: Very carefree and laid back. He adapts well to change and goes along for the ride easily. He loves to laugh and play, often times just by himself. He is extremely independent and does the best when he’s just left alone to do his own thing. His favorite activity is eating. He always has food in his hand or mouth. He loves to laugh and thinks everything is funny. He will sit down quietly and read books or do puzzles. He has a pretty good attention span and doesn’t get bored with repetivie tasks. Very sweet, fun loving, and happy among loved ones, but cautious and quiet around unfamiliar faces.
We’ll see what happens over the next few years. Otherwise, I’m content with my little Naomi and little Angelina. 
Sharpie
One of my favorite days of the week is Friday. Not for TGIF, but because it’s the day I volunteer in Mo’s Kindergarten classroom. I have been doing reading with all the kids. They read 2 or 3 books to me and I reward them with stickers on the reading chart. It’s lots of fun.
Well, one day, the teacher decided to put me on arts and crafts. I was a little nervous, because this has never been my area of expertise. Pretty much throughout my lifetime my artwork has always looked like a Kindergartner did it. But, I gave it a shot.
I failed. I got a big fat “F”.
I was supposed to be making Freedom Buses with the kids. And the first order of business was to demonstrate the steps by drawing a bus on the dry erase board. It was going really well until I realized that instead of using the designated dry erase marker, I used a Sharpie. Oopsie.
I hung my head low and took the evidence of my carelessness home with the intent of purchasing a new one for the class.
Then, after griping about it on facebook, another mom told me there is a magic solution to get it out. Apparently I’m not the first idiot to do this!!!! So, here is the remedy to remove sharpie marker from a dry erase board (not that I’m implying any of you would do this):
1. Go over the Sharpie marks with a dry erase marker. Make sure you cover completely. Let it sit for 1-2 minutes.
2. Say “mamasay mamasou maknocku sigh” 3x
3. Drop to the floor and do the worm
4. PRESTO! Wipe it off. It comes off.
5. You might need to repeat the process. This really works.
BEFORE
AFTER!
Dear Mo and Bronson
Dear Mo and Bronson,
I know as you boys get older you will start to read mommy’s blog. So let’s just pretend we are in the future and approaching your 16th birthdays.
I’m guessing you’ll be into cars and hip hop. That’s cool. You might even watch the MTV hit, My Super Sweet Sixteen which showcases over the top birthday celebrations. That’s fine also.
But even if mommy is rich and jet setting from Cali to Capri on a regular basis (oooh…the law of attraction), let me tell you in advance how your 16th birthday WON’T be going down:
*You won’t be getting a $360,000 Maybach. You might get a Mazda (in which I’m gonna need to help for half as well as your car insurance).
*You won’t have Fabolous, Jim Jones, or Lil Kim perform at your mega exclusive A-List birthday bash. You might have your high school gospel choir or Glee Club there to sing Happy Birthday. Or maybe one of my friends that had a record deal many years ago could possibly chime in a hook or 2.
*I will not hire a uniformed driver to accompany you home. I might dress up in a cute ensemble given that my boobs and butt are still decently in tact and drive you home to make sure you get there safely (and you better give me a goodnight kiss).
*I will not be handing you a check for $10,000 as a birthday gift. I might hand you the bill from the evening and offer to pay a portion of it.
Yes, Morris and Bronson, this might be the fabulous life of Sean “P. Diddy” Combs’s son, Justin’s life, but not yours.
You will be lucky if I let you stay out past midnight (given I have a GPS tracker on you somehow). And don’t even think about brining any little girls home.
Forget about it!!!!
Well, it’s probably getting late. Don’t forget to brush your teeth. And put that toilet seat down!
Oh, and Happy 16th Birthday boys.
Love, Mommy
I Want A Coke
Everyone’s kid “tests” them at some point or another out in public.
If it hasn’t happened yet, it will.
It could be at the grocery store when you get in the checkout line and your kid starts whining about how they want a chocolate bar that is so convienently placed at kids eye level.
Or at restaurant after you order him a pizza and he declares he wanted chicken nuggets.
Or at park when you say it’s time to go home and he decides to do a public meltdown in an attempt to get 5 more minutes of playtime.
What do you do? Do you give in? Do you ignore them? Do you beat their azz? lol….just kidding
I have been pretty lucky in this department. Mo and Bronson haven’t really had major incidents. BUT, on a recent airplane trip, Mo finally did it to me….
We were flying 20,000 feet in the air when the beverage cart came wheeling down the aisle. Mo’s eyes got really big when he saw the color assortment of soda cans, especially since he had just mentioned how thirsty he was.
Perky flight attendant (to me): What can I get for you today?
Me: I’ll have an apple juice please.
Perky flight attendant: And for your child.
Mo (interrupting): I’ll have a Coke.
Me (looking at Mo like he just slapped me): Excuse you….
Mo (giggling): Pretty mommy, can I PLEASE have a Coke?
Me (oh no he didn’t pull the “pretty mommy” card): Um, NO!
Slightly agitated flight attendant: Ma’am what should I get for him?
Mo (grinning): COKE
Me (clenching my teeth): you can have apple juice, orange juice, pineapple juice, or cranberry juice.
Mo: Well, my DAD lets me drink Coke all the time. You’re mean.
Me (is my kid trying to make this a good guy/bad guy thing): Do I look like your dad? Do you think I have a penis?
Mo (giggling at my use of a potty word): No mom, but it’s really not fair that dad gives me soda and you don’t.
At this point, all the passengers around us have diverted their attention from their in-flight satellite tv monitors and Mo and I have become the feature presentation…
Me: Here’s your choice Mo, either apple juice or water.
Mo: That’s not fair. Before you said I could have all those other juices.
Me: Oh well, you lost your privielege. In a minute, it’s only gonna be water, and then nothing.
Mo: You’re the meanest mom in the world.
Me (to the now annoyed flight attendant): He’ll have a water.
Mo: OK, OK….I want apple juice.
For a split second, I almost caved. I had visions of Mo throwing a tantrum and our flight. Then our plane being escorted to the ground by two federal B-57 bombers and Mo taken into military custody and sent to bootcamp for his behavior.
It definitely would have been easier to just say yes and give him the Coke. But, what kind of message would that have sent to him? In the end, it would have done more damage than good because the next time he wanted something I disapproved of we would have gone through the same process.
Stick to you guns folks. Remember WE are the parents for a reason.
Photo Friday
Mo was out and about and ran into Joe Jackson, the father of Michael, Jermaine, Tito, Randy, Janet, Latoya, etc…
Give me your best photo caption:
On Time!
When Mo first started Kindergarten, it was a chaotic mad dash out of the house to try and get him fed, dressed, out the door, and at school by 8:15 AM. Phew!
For the first month, I felt like a complete failure as a mom. It seemed unattainable.
How were all the other moms doing it?
What’s wrong with me?
What’s wrong with my kid?
I felt like such a militant mom because I was always barking orders in the morning, “brush your teeth, find your socks, don’t forget your backpack, eat your breakfast…” Was I turning into my mom?!
Then, just the other day, it all clicked. Everything started to come together.
I woke up and Mo had already brushed his teeth and fixed his “hairstyle”. (If you’ve ever seen my kid’s hair, this is an enormous feat in itself, and knocks at least 15 minutes off of the morning prep time.)
I praised him extensively. He seemed pleased with his accomplishment.
Then a week later, in addition to his personal grooming, he started dressing himself. This was a double victory because he liked to “surprise” me before I got out of bed by being fully dressed, which meant I got to lounge for about 10 minutes longer as he tousseled with his pants and took off and on all his shirts until he figured out which one was the undershirt and which was the “top shirt”.
Now, I would love to take credit for this independence.
Going from being in the bottom tier of timely attendance to one of the first kids to arrive should be enough bragging rights for me. But, I really had to get to the bottom of everything.
Finally, Mo confessed: “All the pretty girls get to school early.”
Hey, whatever works!
Let’s just hope Mo isn’t hanging out under the bleachers before 1st period.
There She Blows!
When it was Mo’s turn to be “Scientist of the Week” at school, he knew exactly what he wanted to demonstrate for his classmates.
I was a little nervous about being able to create an erupting volcano, but it turned out to be pretty easy.
The kids enjoyed it, and Mo thought he was hot shit.
Here’s the steps:
Materials:
playdough/clay
empty film canister
tablespoon baking soda
tablespoon vinegar
food coloring
1. Use play dough or clay to form the shape of a volcano.
2. Make a hole in the top big enough to tit an empty film canister inside.
3. Insert empty film canister into hole.
4. Now add the ingredients to form “molten lava”. Put the baking soda and food coloring in the film canister first (this way the color will surprise the audience) then pour the vinegar into the canister.
ERUPTION!!!!!!
Mo Loves the Lakers….Laker Girls, That Is
Mo is a Chicago Bulls fan. Let me re-phrase that.
Mo is a Joakim Noah fan. It’s probably the hair.
But recently, he put his team loyalities aside and chummed up with some “special” Laker fans.
Special thanks to Bria and Ashley, Morris’s latest obsession. Although, by the time you’re reading this, he’s probably moved on to someone else…
Money Mo
Morris will respond to any of the following: Mo, Mosey, Mo Mo, Doodlepop, and Mo Bear. But his current favorite is “MONEY MO“.
He is obsessed with money. He is constantly asking for new “bigger” chores to do around the house so he can make more than his weekly $5 wage. This has really been working in my favor. Just this month, in addition to his regular chores, he’s washed my car inside and out, disposed of all Bronson’s dirty diapers, killed 2 spiders for me, played the quiet game for 30 minutes, and entertained himself “independently like a big handsome kindergartner” in the morning so I could stretch in bed just a little bit longer.
He likes to sit at the table and count his money over and over. He smells it. He rearranges it. He even kisses it.
Yes, Morris loves money. He refuses to take his hard earned birthday money, allowance, and bribes to Chase. He says the bank can’t guard his wallet like he can. And Money Mo is definitely a child of his word. I peeked in on him last night and almost woke him up with my hysterical laughing when I walked in and saw this:
$$ MONEY MO $$
Titans Cheerleaders
As a parent I feel like if your kids think you’re cool, then you’re probably not doing your job.
BUT, the other day I earned some major cool points with Morris.
As we’re walking in the airport I notice a group of friendly, perky girls. A few of them gave me a nice glance and I smiled back. Of course my horny 5 year old noticed them first and I caught a glimpse of him looking at me to see if I was looking at what he was just looking at…the girls.
I didn’t think much about it until Morris got quiet. REALLY quiet. This is highly abnormal for him. We’re talking about a kid that had just finished asking me “If you could save yourself or the whole neighborhood from a fire, who would you save? And you can’t say everyone. That’s cheating”
So my mommy light bulb went off…..I worked my magic, and here’s the result:
Yes, my little Morris is happily nestled between the Tennessee Titans Cheerleaders.
2-4-6-8 Who do we appreciate? MOMMY! MOMMY! MOMMY!
