If you are ready to smack your bad azz little ones...WAiT! 

There is help. 

Call or email my girl. She is casting for the ABC hit, 

Supernanny. Make sure you tell her you know 

me. That should shoot you straight to the top of the list. 

They will know you are definitely dysfunctional then. 

Here's the info:

Are your children driving you nuts? 

Had enough sassy back talk, disrespect and shenanigans?  

CALL SUPERNANNY CASTING AT 

213.925.3382

OR E-MAIL CASTINGBYKSTONE@GMAIL.COM   

ABC is looking for families with children (toddlers to teens) to take part in the hit television series 

featuring Jo Frost, America’s #1 nanny!

I've mentioned before how much I love the book "Eat This, Not That! For Kids!" by David Zinczenko. 

It's an easy read with great nutritional info and food alternatives. The book understands that kids are kids and want chicken nuggets, sweet cereal, and McDonald's. The best part is that it offers the best places/choices for these things and doesn't try to force feed your kid green leafy veggies.

One good tidbit is The 20 Worst Kids' Foods in America. I giggled a little when I realized 3 of the top 4 things had been consumed by me at some point. Lets see how you fare:

4. WORST DRINK:

Baskin-Robbins' Heath Shake 990 calories, 46 g fat, 113 g sugar

It has 73 ingredients and almost as many calories as 5 Heath bars. 

Honestly, I've had this probably 4 times. Heath is my favorite candy bar, and this shake is damn good! However, I'm glad the boys are content with a single scoop or sorbet.

3. WORST CHINESE ENTREE:

P.F Changs's Chicken Lo Mein 1,198 calories, 67 g fat

There is more fat in this dish than 5 chocolate Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

Wow, I just had both last week! And so did the boys. Bad mom.

2. WORST APPETIZER:

T.G.I. Friday's Potato Skins (1/2 order) 1,430 calories

This contains 80% of a 9-year old's daily caloric intake.

I really thought this was a healthy choice because it's a potato, right?

1. WORST KIDS' MEAL IN AMERICA

Chili's Pepper Pals' Country Fried Chicken Crispers with ranch dressing and homestyle fries

1.110 calories, 82 g fat, 1.980 mg sodium, 56 g carbs

I think this one is self explanatory. 

I am proud to say me or the boys have never had this (probably only because we don't have Chili's here, but at least I know not to get it...or at least not to eat all the fries)

So, how did you do?

Dear Mo and Bronson,

I know as you boys get older you will start to read mommy's blog. So let's just pretend we are in the future and approaching your 16th birthdays.

I'm guessing you'll be into cars and hip hop. That's cool. You might even watch the MTV hit, My Super Sweet Sixteen which showcases over the top birthday celebrations. That's fine also.

But even if mommy is rich and jet setting from Cali to Capri on a regular basis (oooh...the law of attraction), let me tell you in advance how your 16th birthday WON'T be going down:

*You won't be getting a $360,000 Maybach. You might get a Mazda (in which I'm gonna need to help for half as well as your car insurance).

*You won't have Fabolous, Jim Jones, or Lil Kim perform at your mega exclusive A-List birthday bash. You might have your high school gospel choir or Glee Club there to sing Happy Birthday. Or maybe one of my friends that had a record deal many years ago could possibly chime in a hook or 2.

*I will not hire a uniformed driver to accompany you home. I might dress up in a cute ensemble given that my boobs and butt are still decently in tact and drive you home to make sure you get there safely (and you better give me a goodnight kiss).

*I will not be handing you a check for $10,000 as a birthday gift. I might hand you the bill from the evening and offer to pay a portion of it.

Yes, Morris and Bronson, this might be the fabulous life of Sean "P. Diddy" Combs's son, Justin's life, but not yours.

You will be lucky if I let you stay out past midnight (given I have a GPS tracker on you somehow). And don't even think about brining any little girls home.

Forget about it!!!!

Well, it's probably getting late. Don't forget to brush your teeth. And put that toilet seat down!

Oh, and Happy 16th Birthday boys.

Love, Mommy

Morris and Bronson have 2 more boys to compete with for the chics out here in La La land. Kourtney Kardashian and Kendra Wilkinson both gave birth to baby boys.

Kourtney, best known for her role on Keeping Up With the Kardashians gave birth December 14, 2008 to Mason Dash Disick -- who weighed 7 lbs., 6 oz., and 19.5 inches.

Kendra, from The Girls Next Door, gave birth December 11, 2009 to Hank Baskett IV, who weighed 9 lbs 5 oz. Dang Kendra!!!! The baby was due on Christmas. Good thing he came early.

Congratulaitions to them both. We have 2 more Hot Mamas to welcome to the gang!!!!

I always knew when I had kids I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I have loved being around kids ever since I was a child myself. I even dreamed of being a teacher, but changed majors when I found out how much money they make (sorry, I really like to shop, and didn't want to depend on a man to support me).

When I had Morris in 2004, it was an easy decision to give up my career in physical therapy and marketing. I've always strived to be the best at whatever I do. As a competitive person, being a mom, meant I had a new challenge to conquer. I had to be the "best" mom out there. So, I went into overdrive mode. I read every parenting book on the market, I experiemented with all the different parenting techniques, and listened to what the "experts" said on everything from sleep training to breastfeeding.

I became an out of control, control freak. All of Morris's activities of daily living (feeding, changing, sleeping, bathing, etc) were done by me just so I could ensure nothing would be done "wrong". It nearly killed me and practically destroyed my marriage. I was nursing 7-10 times a day for the first year, barely had enough energy to brush my teeth, lost all my baby weight and some extra within 4 months (thus dubbed The Olsen triplet by many Angelenos), and had little to no adult interaction for many days at a time.

I almost lost my mind.

Girls Night Out? What was that? Is it when all my girlfriends hang out and pop champagne while I was running into Morris's room 5x/night to soothe him the second he cried? I never spent one night away from him (sure sounds pathetic now, but I really believed I would be a bad mom if I wasn't there for him all the time).

Fast forward to 2008. Along comes Bronson. No more manic mommy this time. It wasn't a pre-meditated decision I made, it just happened naturally. I was much more relaxed.

I realized his brain would stlll grow and develop even if I didn't play Beethoven and Schubert 24 hrs/day. It wasn't necessary for his toddler social calendar to be filled daily with playdates and classes. Bronson wasn't already on mommy and me waiting lists before my placenta was delivered. 

No, Bronson got an old fashioned upbringing: he accompanied me constantly to Morris's school and social activities. He learned to play at home with pots and wooden spoons while I cleaned the kitchen and got stuff done. And I sleep trained him at 6 months old to learn to soothe himself and sleep through the night.

Don't get me wrong, I still had my overachiever moments like when I decided I was gonna puree organic vegeatbles every day instead of giving him baby food from a jar (yeah right, that lasted about a month, that food processor quickly got retired to the pantry to rust).

So, for the parents dealing with all the daily decisions we are constantly faced with: RELAX. Your kids will be fine.

I could have told you watching a dumb video as a baby doesn't make you a genius. Seriously, do you think my parents had a VCR when I was a baby? Nope. My genius status is innate!

Every parent wants their kid to be smart. No one wants a moron for a kid. But of course, every kid isn't born a genius, so many companies try to capitalize off of this and the "first time parent syndrome"- where new parents will try any and everything that is advertised to give kids a better life or make them a better/smarter person.

There has been a long time battle brewing between Susan Linn of Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood and the makers of Baby Einstein disputing the educational value of children watching videos at an early age.

Susan's group contends that "The Walt Disney Company's entire Baby Einstein marketing regime is based on express and implied claims that their videos are educational and beneficial for early childhood development," The lawyers for Campaign for Commercial-Free Childhood issued a letter to The Walt Disney Co. calling those claims "false because research shows that television viewing is potentially harmful for very young children."

In 2006, Susan Linn's group went to the FTC with these claims. No action was taken by the FTC, but the word "educational" was dropped from the Baby Einstein marketing campaign. 

On September 4, 2009 Baby Einstein company announced they will refund $15.99 for up to four "Baby Einstein" DVDs per household, bought between June 5, 2004, and Sept. 5, 2009, and returned to the company. The deal enables parents to exchange their video for a different title, receive a discount coupon, or get $15.99 each for up to four returned DVDs, requires no receipt, and lasts until next March 10. 

Baby Einstein said this has always been their custumer satisfaction policy since 1999 and is no form of admission of guilt, only a means to maintain customer satisfaction and stand behind their product.

My parenting philosophy is basically, most things are ok for a child as long as it is supervised and done in moderation. I will be the first parent to admit that I tried to plunker an infant Morris in front of a tv, but he just wasn't having it. He had ZERO interest with anything  on tv. Drat! (I even had a nice HD flat screen, darn kids are so unappreciative nowadays)...So, we spent many seemingly endless days wrestling on the floor, chasing each other, reading books, and darting from toy to toy as entertainment.

I guess all this "work" was really quality time with my son in disguise. Although the first 2 years of his life were harder than my last 2 years of college, there is no doubt that it helped create the start of our amazing mother/son bond. We have a great connection and I credit that to the creative efforts I had to put in to keep  my short attention span child occupied 14 hours of the day.

If videos work for you, great. As a parent, only you know what's right for you and your household.Go with your parenting gut. It didn't work for us, but only by default. Besides, Morris watches so many videos now, he is definitely making up for his lost toddler matinees. 

My dad recently celebrated his 70th birthday in Memphis. While I was excited to join in the celebration, I was dreading the 4 hour flight to get there.

If you don't have kids, or haven't traveled with small children, you have no idea the level of concern I felt for the month leading up to this.

Once you're up in the air, your options are pretty limited as to what you can do to occupy a 15 month old boy. Luckily, I had my sister to help entertain Morris, so I could focus on Bronson. Boy, did I get a workout. No one wants to the "that mom" on the flight with the crying/screaming baby.

I planned out the flight very meticulously. I wanted to make sure I was fully prepared.

Here's what I learned:

1. On a previous flight, I tried Motrin to help "assist" him in sleeping on the flight. Didn't work. He was awake the entire time. This time I turned to Benadryl. Didn't work on the first leg, but he slept for 1 hour on the return flight. I'll take it. Any sleep is better than no sleep at all. (As always, check with your pediatrician before giving any medication)

2. We bought him his own seat. It was just more comfy for him and me. Also, this enabled me to take a car seat on the flight in hopes of him falling asleep easier in it. (He didn't, but I tried).

3. Get chummy with the flight attendants. They turned out to be my best friend. They gave Morris snacks and didn't bug me at take off or landing about anything. They even seated passengers around me in another row just so I could have more space.

4. I dressed nice. This might sound dumb, but for some reason, strangers seem nicer and more understanding when you're wearing a dress rather than sweats.

5. Take tons of snacks. They were great diversions. Bronson really enjoyed sucking on lollipops (look for the sugarless ones) and they made me feel like the sucking was easing any discomfort in the air. He managed to sit still while he ate his lollipops. Throw your no candy rule out the window on a flight. Lollipops were a lifesaver for me.

6. Be prepared to entertain. You will not be kicking back on the flight reading the newest John Grisham novel. I was like a circus clown the whole flight, constantly pulling tricks out of my bag. My kids never liked the baby toys. They always seem to go for the ipod, camera, blackberry, remote...you know the expensive stuff. I indulged Bronson with this on the flight.

7. Strangers can help. Normally, I ignore and avoid strangers at all costs with the kids. However, on a flight, any help is good. Many grandmas and grandpas loved giving Bronson attention. He liked it too. I let them play patty cake, peek-a-boo, and all the other trusty baby games mid-air.

Good luck. 

My best advice, take a G5 if you can.

Everyone says your second child's growing up process goes much quicker than the first. I couldn't agree more.

Last week Bronson started a mommy and me program at the preschool he will attend. Yahoo, wonderful, cheers....it's kind of funny though. When Morris was 15 months, he had already explored Gymboree, Kindermusic, Sunnyside Mommy and Me, and My Gym. What a neurotic mom I was! Wow. As if I can put all that on his Yale application.

Here Bronson is at 15 months and attending his first "organized" event. Gasp...And guess what, I'm sure he'll go on and experience normal development despite the fact that some moms might consider my efforts to socialize him as lackluster. Even funnier, he actually did better as far as separation went than a more "socially exposed" Morris did at the same age.

So, what I've learned is that kids will be fine. I didn't rush to get on all the "lists" in LA for exclusive mommy and me playgroups. WHO CARES? I don't have the patience or energy for that now. Those things ended up being more stressful than helpful. I trusted my gut with Bronson and didn't get caught up in all the studies and articles proclaiming children needed to be in Mozart music class, etc to be a successful crawler.

I live in an area where parents start academic tutoring for their kids at 4 years old to get a leg up on private school admissions. Other children are getting private coaches in instruments, voice lessons, sports, and acting before they can tie their shoes (Ok, so I'll admit, Morris had a private basketball coach at age 3....LOL...that's different though).

I'm just gonna try and enjoy Bronson while I can and be supportive and encouraging as he explores and finds his interests. Until then, I enjoy having him as my roadee, going with me to the grocery store, public parks, Target, and shuttling Morris around. I'm sure he's taking in an abundance of knowledge just being around me and Morris all day. 

Heaven help us...

I found this in the stroller the other day.

I knew it had something to do with this little guy.

Don't let the innocent eyes fool ya.

I can't believe he ate a peach down to the seed!

Some people need to get a sense of humor.

I mean really lighten up.

I took Bronson to the park and got quite a few glares. 

I don't know what their problem was.

What's the big deal?

Can I help it my kid has style?