Have you missed me? :)

As do most things in Los Angeles, my blog is currently getting a facelift.

I should be up and posting in a week, fresh faced and all.

Hope you enjoy the new look.

If you are ready to smack your bad azz little ones...WAiT! 

There is help. 

Call or email my girl. She is casting for the ABC hit, 

Supernanny. Make sure you tell her you know 

me. That should shoot you straight to the top of the list. 

They will know you are definitely dysfunctional then. 

Here's the info:

Are your children driving you nuts? 

Had enough sassy back talk, disrespect and shenanigans?  

CALL SUPERNANNY CASTING AT 

213.925.3382

OR E-MAIL CASTINGBYKSTONE@GMAIL.COM   

ABC is looking for families with children (toddlers to teens) to take part in the hit television series 

featuring Jo Frost, America’s #1 nanny!

Bronson is 2 and has never watched a tv show.

That really shouldn't be a big deal.

He's 2.

But somehow, many moms are surprised to hear that.

I would love to say it's because of my righteous beliefs in family togetherness. Or my support of some really smart Harvard study. Or because I was so inspired by highly acclaimed Pediatricians and their negative views on toddlers and tv watching.

Nope.

It is 100% PURE SELFISHNESS.

I cannot stand those whiny cartoon voices. Not to mention how their catchy signature theme songs stick in your head all day. OMG. That is so annoying.

I have 2 kids pulling on me all day. After hearing "mommy mommy", the last thing I want is.....wait a minute.....I was about to say something really obnoxious and insert the Elmo theme song >here< but just realized, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IT!!!!!!! Hooray! HALLELLUYER! This is a victory in and of itself. (I'm doing the Hip Hop Harry dance right now...Go Harry! Go Harry!....ok, I'll admit I did enjoy watching Hip Hop Harry when Mo was younger, but THAT'S IT).

So...as for Bronson. No silly, mindless, high pitched, whiny cartoons for him. Nope, my boy will eventually be exposed to the good stuff...Oprah, Gossip Girl, Desperate Housewives, Brett Favre highlights. 

That's what I call parenting.

When I was young (naive and didn't have kids), I said I wanted 4 kids, all boys.

Well, with that theory in mind, I couldn't let the number of kids equal or outweigh my number of tattoos (I mean come on...who does that?!).

Soooooo....I got another one.

Tat not kid.

I know, I know. I said I was done. Tat not kid. (Well maybe kids, not tats....noooo, maybe I'll have another one. Wait, this is getting confusing).

Yes, I just got a couple of tats not too long ago.

I think I might need a hobby. This is getting painful. Whoever said tats don't hurt must have been drunk. Or high. Or really tough.

THIS ONE HURT!

I took a 500 mg Tylenol before I went and it might as well been a Skittle. That thing didn't do jack!!!!

I suggested to Howard (the best, funniest, and most patient tat guy with a needle) that perhaps his esteemed tattoo parlor should offer "numbing cream" to it's more fragile clientele. By the glare he shot me, you would have thought I suggested he don a tutu and Choos while tatting me. (BTW, I can't say enough good things about Howard, if you're ever in Los Angeles, HE IS THE MAN!)

So, here's my suggestions to tattoo places across the world:

NUMBING CREAM and MARIAH CAREY

The Mariah is for relaxation. Her melodic zillion octave range always has that effect on me.

Oh well, enough of my whining...I made it out alive, but that one put a beating on me.

I'm pretty sure I'd have another kid before I get another tat. At least they give you an epidural.

This is the next morning, so my ankle is a little swollen (I told you I'm fragile :D )

I LOVE CHEESE!

All kinds of cheese.

What goes better with a good cheese? Some would say a good wine, but since I don't drink, I would say a GOOD CRACKER!

Apparently, a good cracker is harder to find than a good chesse.

But, I did it!

I found one.

Keebler has a line of crackers called Wheatables. They are good, but it's the Wheatables Nut Crisps Toasted Pecan (and because I'm from the South I'm saying Pee-Can). 

They are soooo good. Mo and B loooooove them just as much as I do. There is a hint of sweetness to them.

Lately we've been dipping them in cream cheese and drizzling honey on them. Ok, that probably sounds gross, but it's great.

And since it's a new product, they are on sale everywhere! I just bought 3 boxes today. 

So, go nutty with this yummy cracker.

Being a mom is like being in a sorority. It's great having a group of women I can relate to, experiencing a lot of the same things I am.

I found a group of moms I'd like to join.

There are only 70 members.

There is a smaller group of these 70, with only 8 members.

It's the billionaire mom club.

There are 70 billionaire moms in the world. 8 of these moms have created their own fortune (the other 72 inherited it from a husband or family).

Christy Watson was married to John Watson, second son of Wal-Mart Stores founder Sam Walton. John died when his ultralight aircraft crashed.. After his death in June 2005, she inherited his fortune of $15.7 billion. As of March 2010, she is the 12th richest person in the Forbes World Billionaires^]with an estimated net worth of $22.5 billion. She is the richest female and mom in the world. She has 1 son, Lukas (holla at your girl Lukas!)

One of my favorite stories is that of billionaire mom, Joanne Rowling, author of the Harry Potter book series. She progressed from living on welfare to multi-millionaire status within five years. After a painful divorce that led to clinical depression, she and her daughter moved close to her sister where she began writing. She later re-married and had 2 more children. 

It is hard to balance motherhood with life in general. Hats off to the billionaire moms out there. Their stories and success inspire me. I can't imagine the sacrifices these women have made to attain their financial fortunes. But their ability to seemingly balance it all is amazing.

Keep reaching for you goals moms...it's possible!

Here's the top 10 list, hopefully you'll be on here next year!

No. 1: Christy Walton, 55 years old, (U.S.）$22.5 billion.

Christy became a billionaire in 2005 when her late husband John, second son of Wal-Mart Stores founder Sam Walton, died when his ultralight aircraft crashed. She is the richest of the Waltons thanks to John’s early bet on alternative energy firm First Solar.

No. 2: Liliane Bettencourt, 87, France. $20 billion 

Liliane inherited fortune from her father, the founder of cosmetic giant L’Oreal.

No.3: Birgit Rausing, 86, Sweden. $13 billion

Birgit and her three children inherited packaging giant Tetra Laval after her husband Gad Rausing died in 2000. Birgit leaves family business to her children, all three of whom sit on board; Jorn, the youngest, also heads company’s mergers and acquisitions division.

No. 4: Savitri Jindal, 60, India. $12.2 billion

Savitri is nonexecutive chair of the O.P. Jindal Group, a steel and power conglomerate founded by her late husband, Om Prakash Jindal, in 1952. She took over as group head after he died in a helicopter crash in 2005.

No. 5: Abigail Johnson, 48, U.S.. $11.5 billion

With her father she controls Fidelity Investments, America’s largest mutual fund company, founded by her grandfather. She earned an MBA at Harvard and joined the family business in 1988.

No. 6: Susanne Klatten, 47, Germany. $11.1 billon

The heiress holds MBA from IMD business school in Lausanne, Switzerland. She sits on supervisory board of chemical manufacturer Altana, of which she now controls over 95%.

No. 7: Iris Fontbona, Chile. $11 billion

Inherited fortune after her husband Andronico Luksic died in 2005.

No. 8: Jaqueline Mars, 71, U.S. $11 billion

Her grandfather Frank Mars began making chocolates in 1911 in Tacoma, Wash. Her father, Forrest Sr. introduced malt-flavored nougat, the foundation of famous candy bar products that include Milky Way and Snickers. Mars and her siblings now share ownership of world’s largest candy company with $30 billion in sales.

No. 9 Anne Cox Chambers, 90, U.S. $10 billion

Daughter of Cox Enterprises founder James M. Cox (d. 1957). Today Cox Enterprises includes Cox Communications cable company, 17 daily newspapers, 15 TV stations, 86 radio stations, Manheim auctions (cars) and AutoTrader.com.

No. 10: Charlene de Carvalho-Heineken, 55, Netherlands. $7 billion

Eight years ago Charlene inherited a 25% stake in one of the world’s greatest brewers, Heineken NV, from her late father, Freddy Heineken.

I have a lot of ties to baseball.

As a child, my dad took me (bribed me) to all the Atlanta Braves games. So many games that I can still recite most of their roster from the 80's (add that to my amazing list of talents).

I'm related to Christy Mathewson, one of the "first five" members inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

And now, there is a hamburger named after Washington Nationals pitcher, Stephen Strasburg. It is appropriately called, The Strasburger.

The Burger Joint featured a hamburger in Strasburger's honor during the month of June.  The burger was designed to contain ingredients charting Strasburg's path to the majors.

They start with their normal hamburger patty and then butterfly a hot dog on top to celebrate Strasburg's pro debut with the Phoenix Devil Dogs from the Arizona Fall League.

Next, they give the burger a layer of cheese (Vermont aged cheddar) in honor of Strasburg's stop in AAA Syracuse. 

Finally, the burger is topped with one pickle for every strikeout Strasburg recorded in his debut, piled high with 14 pickles!!

It's looking pretty good to be a Strassburger right now!!!!

Congratulaions to Celine Dion and her family. 

At 42 years old, and 6 IVF attempts, Celine is expecting twin boys.

She currently has a 9 year old son, Rene Charles.

I hope she does another motherhood album. Her album, Miracle, is definitely a must have for all parents, especially those with boys. 

So, I live in LA, and yes, I love fashion, but I'm not a slave to it.

I haves tons of friends that are crazy for Louboutins. You know, the shoes with the red soles that all the celebs wear out and about.

Sorry....I just don't get it. 

Maybe bc I'm not your typical shoe girl. I have a few pairs of shoes in basic colors. I don't need 30 pairs of black heels, 10 animal prints, and 20 adorned with rhinestones, glitter, and other annoying sparkly crap that just fall off and pose a choking hazard for my 2 year old.

Just a couple black, gold, and a few neutrals and I'm good. 

I know many of you are probably up in arms ready to gauge my eyeballs out with your Manolo heel, but I really don't see the big deal with Louboutins. Girls in LA are crazy for them. JLo even made a song about them (it was a flop, but still, they have a song). And yes, Oprah wears them ALL THE TIME.

Now, I love Oprah, just like any other person with a vagina, but really, do I wanna be wearing the same shoes as Oprah? Diamonds, YES! Shoes? Ummmm.....not so much.

Louboutins either look like something that need to be worn on Wall Street or to a strip club. 

Now, perhaps I am waaay off base here and Louboutins are really the bomb. I'm not saying I'd turn down a pair that might mysteriously arrive on my doorstep for more "research". I'm just saying for $1,000, I can find something waaaay cuter for a fraction of the price.

Here is my evidence hot off the Fall 2010 Louboutin line at Neiman Marcus:

Tassled platform bootie $1,495

Are you serious? This reminds me of my high school graduation cap.

Spiked boot $1,795

Who would spend money on this crap? It looks like an art project Mo and B decorated.

Toundra booty fur $2,095

Yes! These shoes are $2000. At least they named them right. They look like they have the booty of a poodle or something else crawling on them. These shoes are SOOOOO ugly. YUCK! I'd feel like someone's dog was humping my foot all night.

Jem Velours Pump $1,195

They should call this the Laura Engle Stripper Shoe

The moral of the the story is this: Yes, Louboutin has some fabulous shoes, but use your brain people, don't just buy something because of the name or else you will have people like me talking about ya!

One of my favorite sayings is "Game recognizes game".

When I came across Kickette, I knew I had found my blog bestie!

This site is dedicated to fashion and HAWT SOCCER PLAYERS!!!! Umm....hello! This is the best combo since peanut butter and jelly, Mork and Mindy, Ashford and Simpson.

Their logline is:

"For those who love the players as much as they love the game."

And they post pics like this:

And i thought Mariah was my only soul sister....these girls at Kickette definitely know their ahem...soccer.