Everyone: What do you want for Mother’s Day?
Mom: Nothing honey. I have everything I need in life.
Why? Because moms are humble. We don’t have the time/energy to truthfully respond. We never get what we ask for anyway. Here’s 10 things mom really wants for Mother’s Day:
1. A Day Off: We love being mom, but just once it feels great to stay in bed and not make breakfast for anyone.
2. A Clean House: It’s pure bliss coming home to a sparkling clean house, especially when we didn’t have to lift a finger. Sure, it won’t last long, but the euphoric feeling and fresh lemon scent will be embedded in our long term memory.
3. A Clean Car: Bird poop, Goldfish crumbs, and mystery stains be gone! Mom’s car is her other office. It sure makes shuttling the kids to playdates, trekking to away games, and sitting in school drop off much nicer in a
shiny new Porsche clean whip.
4. A Good Hair Day: Just once I want my hair to have the right amount of bounce, shine, and curl. Without oatmeal in it.
5. Sleep: As a kid we hated bedtime and taking naps. This is further proof that mom knows best. What a luxury a little shut eye is.
6. Kid Art: Moms are sentimental. We really do love the homemade cards, bookmarks, and fridge art. But just on Mother’s Day. Not EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. of the week. Do you know how guilty I feel chucking that stuff in the trash all the time?!
7. Eye Candy: I never met a mom who didn’t appreciate a hot guy working out at the park while we push Little Johnny on the swing…or is Magic Mike 3 in the works yet? We’re just looking, GEEZ.
8. To Be Vulnerable: Moms are the General of the Army. All day long we follow the schedule, make the rules, and bark the orders. Sure we love our control, but it would be nice to not have any responsibility and know everything will be taken care of.
9. A Blue Box, Black Chanel, Red Bottoms: Know what goes well with that homemade decoupage card? Something shiny and pretty! What better way to dress up mom jeans than a sparkly trinket, new purse, or sexy heels.
10. Adult Food: I’ve eaten enough pizza, chicken nuggets and Pirate’s Booty to last a lifetime. Just once I want to indulge and order something from an adult menu that I have no idea how to pronounce.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you amazing mommies! Enjoy your day of appreciation. Back to bad hair, stepping on Legos, and not having enough time in the day tomorrow.