The latest headlines concerning Ciara, her new beau Russell Wilson, and her ex Future are grounds for a great discussion. When should kids from a previous relationship be introduced into the equation of your new relationship?
Everyone is weighing in on the debate. Before we proceed, there are a couple factors to eliminate in order to make this a healthy discussion. First of all, take out how many children and baby mamas Future has. Second, take out the fact that Russell Wilson just signed an $87.5 million contract extension with the Seattle Seahawks. Don’t let your distaste for Future or adoration of RW cloud the situation.
When a mom moves on from the relationship with her child’s father, when is it appropriate to bring her child around the new guy? There’s no one size fits all answer. This is a complex situation. On one hand, being a mom is a huge part of who a woman is so it’s important for a prospective Mr. Right to see that part of her life. However, it’s unhealthy (and unfair) for a child to see different men come and go from his (and mommy’s) life. Kids get attached easily and breakups can be even harder for them.
If you’re in a committed relationship and feel he’s THE ONE, it is ok to gradually introduce the new guy as a FRIEND. This should be done in an environment comfortable and familiar to the child. Prior to this meeting, it is considerate and respectful to let the other parent know, “I’ve been seeing someone and we are serious. I’m going to introduce him to Johnny as a friend.” This way no one is blind sighted or made aware of their child’s interactions via he-say, she-say.
During this time period there’s no PDA, affection, or physical attention shown towards one another in front of the child. It gives your new Boo a chance to see you as a mom and it gives you an opportunity to see how he reacts with your child. The early meetings are about the child, not mommy getting her groove on. As your relationship builds and strengthens you can deem what is appropriate for future interactions.
It’s perfectly fine to discuss milestones and important things going on in your child’s life with the new guy. That’s natural for a mom in a relationship to share significant events. However, new guy doesn’t need to be present for all of these moments. Until he is definitely in the picture as longterm stepdad, mom’s obligations as girlfriend and mommy should somewhat separate. I get it, you’ve found love again and it’s exciting, but as a mother not everything is meant to be shared initially.
As for Ciara’s case, it is beautiful that she has found new love and moved on with her life after her fiancé cheated on her. Very happy for her. It’s great that she is a hands on mom with her baby. I don’t have a problem with her son meeting Russell. He seemingly loves her son and dotes over his new GF. He appears to be a positive role model and young boys can never have too many mentors. While I’m a huge fan (Body Party & Livin It Up are my songs!) and don’t oppose her taking her son to visit Russell at training camp, the matching jerseys were a bit much. A casual meeting would have sufficed.
It’s beautiful RW loves her baby and if their relationship is progressing to the next level, no harm no foul. However, if RW is a pitstop in life, it’s ok to have help with the little one while mommy has her me time with her new love. Regardless of Future’s past or how many other children he has, he’s still the biological father of the child.
Co-parenting isn’t easy but a mature agreement should be in place for introducing kids. There are over 10 million single moms in the United States. There are over 22 million children being raised by a single parent household. Dating with kids will always be a sensitive topic. It’s ok for moms to move on and find love. In fact it’s GREAT for mom to be happy. However, not every man is THE ONE and the kids don’t need to know about each frog along the way. When you feel like you’ve found a worthy contender it’s alright to have interaction with he and Lil Johnny on a casual basis. Once he’s deemed worthy as a permanent factor in you and your child’s life then his presence can increase.
Co-parenting is a delicate topic and is best tackled together with the child’s best interests on the forefront. Kids should never be in mom and dad’s crossfire nor feel the burden of failed relationships.