Six Passengers More Annoying Than A Crying Baby

airplane gift bagI love a gift bag as much as the next person who loves freebies, but we are going too far.  There’s a new trend developing and it’s parents giving gift bags to airplane passengers for baby’s first plane ride. At first I thought, oh this is cute, then I realized, No….no, it’s not cute at all.


Why are parents apologizing for their baby being a baby??? It’s like saying “sorry my 10 month old cried because his ears were popping and he didn’t know WTF was going on.” DUH. He’s 10 months old. This is normal 10 month old baby behavior.

Airplane goody bags are basically a preemptive measure thanking people for not being a jackass.

How about obnoxious airline passengers who make parents feel guilty about flying with kids give THEM a gift bag?! You think parents don’t feel bad enough trying to console a child in a basically inconsolable situation? You think mommy and daddy are not bothered by the over the top sighs, angry side eye & grumbles from disgruntled passengers?

What happened to humanity and kindness? How about offering the frazzled parents an understanding smile, a reassuring word, a vodka tonic from the stewardess?

If you’re annoyed that babies cry on a plane, don’t fly commercial airlines then!!! Oh, can’t afford a private jet? Neither can moms with babies, so SUCK IT UP! Kids need to get places via airplane too you self entitled asshole.

While a gift bag is a kind gesture on the part of the parents, what a ridiculous world we live in to feel inclined to apologize for kids being kids.  Parents who fly with young babies, I salute you.  You don’t need to apologize.  Your child is naturally reacting how a child should.

Save the gift bag money and buy baby Benadryl.  Here’s 6 people who need to hand out airplane goody bags way more than you:

1. Arm rest thief– Spending a 3 hour flight trying to win back my right to rest my elbow is draining. Either we come up with an agreement for shared custody of the arm rest or give me a gift bag with a neck rest pillow and Kit Kat for the trouble.

2. Ants in the pants passenger– If you get out of your seat more than once during a flight you are ten times worse than a crying baby.  Just when I fall asleep or find the right spot where I’m comfortable you decide you need to retrieve your reading glasses from the overhead bin. AGAIN. Gift bag of Advil, Dramamine, and bubble gum please.

3. Bathroom breakers– Having only a couple restrooms for a plane full of people is no fun. If you’re the one to funk it up for the rest of us how about a gift bag of Febreeze, nose plugs, and Parisian eau de toilette to mask the odor?

4. Chair kicker– Babies and toddlers get a pass on airplanes but if you’re old enough to know right from wrong the constant back banging is annoying.  Adults aren’t immune from doing this either.  Those who put the tray table up and down multiple times or use my seat back to stand up and accidentally pull my hair, I’m talking to you too.

5. The talker– Forget ear plugs for a crying baby.  I need ear plugs for the lady heading to visit Aunt Sally for the first time since her cousin Barbara went through a divorce from Uncle Billy after cheating with the Wal-Mart cashier. NOoooo I don’t need to know your after flight itinerary and life story.

6. The drunk– Maybe you’re anxious/excited about flying, visiting relatives, or just an alcoholic…being stuck on a plane with the guy who can’t handle liquor on a plane is about as much fun as playing with the schoolyard bully. Forget the goody bag, can we all just vote him off the island via the closest emergency exit?

Parents please don’t feel guilty about flying with your youngster.  Those who don’t understand your situation or can’t empathize with a young baby aren’t worth the worry.  If there’s a complaint about an airline passenger, it’s the six above mentioned violators I’m more concerned about.  Let’s restore the friendly skies for little ones and save the eye rolls for these offenders.


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