Nora’s Playdate Rules

Bronson is a really easy kid.

He’s nice, funny, independent, and listens pretty decent for a preschooler.

These fine qualities have made him very popular for playdates.

He has quickly become a Playdate Kingpin at his school.

Playdate requests come flooding in so much that Bronson has taken the liberty of arranging his own social schedule.

He’s been doling out dates and locations to classmates as to where to meet him on a daily basis.

That kid needs his own Twitter!

So, as his mom and Pimp Playdate Coordinator, I feel it is my duty to inform parents of some general playdate rules at my house.

Nora’s Playdate Rules:

1. We do not listen to the Wiggles or Nursery Rhymes. It is highly likely that your child will come home singing a hook from an Ice Cube, Snoop Dogg, or Lil Wayne song.

2. If your child breaks something at my house, don’t fret. Just bring me some fresh baked goods and all is forgiven. (I’m not a fan of raisins, so preferably something sweet without the miniature prunes).

3. My kids cuss. If they drop something or fall, there is a 99% chance they are gonna scream “SHIT or Dayum“.

4. I don’t give timeouts at my house. If your kid is disrespectful, he will get his lil ass cussed out and possibly hit upside the head with a shoe. (I wear a 7 and I’ll kick him w/my non dominant foot so it shouldn’t hurt too much).

5. We have a “fireman” pole at our house. Your kid could possibly buss a Corkscrew, Peter Pan, or Snake.  Make it rain.

6. On occasion, I cook. Since I’m from the South, we eat things like grits, biscuits,& cornbread. Usually there is a high prevalence of butter. If your child only eats Kale, tofu, and seaweed, you might wanna send a snack.

7. I randomly attack my sons with manic outbursts of hugs, smooches, and kissy face nicknames. Warn your child he is entering a PDA household.

8. My house is a 24 Hour FARTING ZONE! Farts are allowed and even praised.

9. I’m a huge LSU football fan. Your child will most likely come home saying, “USC sucks. GEAUX TIGERS!“.

10.I want everyone to have fun at my house. If your kid is a Stiff, I’m gonna lock him in the closet. Or tickle him.

On that note, I’m taking all appointments for kiddie playdates!

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