No, I Do Not Wanna Hold Your Baby

What is it about women and babies?

They loooove mauling newborn babies, even when it’s not theirs.

Women will walk up to a complete stranger and admire her baby. This is just a passive aggressive attempt to put her claws on a strange person’s Bundle of Joy.

Women will befriend the new mom at Preschool just to swoon in and cuddle her baby.

Women will smile at a mom they don’t even like while sending a subliminal message “I wanna touch your newborn”.

I am not one of them.

I feel the same way about babies that I do dogs:

I love and appreciate mine, but have zero interest in petting or canoodling with someone else’s.

I know…everyone loves that smell. Yes, the baby/infant aroma is lovely…until you get a whiff of their poopy diaper/gas/vomit.

Holding someone else’s kid is like driving someone else’s car.

As soon as you give it back, they find something wrong and wonder if you’re to blame:

She was eating just fine til Nora held her.

Her eye didn’t twitch like that til Nora held her.

She was sleeping through the night til Nora held her.

NOPE! I don’t need any extra responsibilities, headaches, or hassles, so ya’ll can hold your own babies!

And what about poor baby…being passed around and handled like a church collection plate.

Don’t worry ladies, your babies are safe around me. I’d much rather hold your Gucci or Chloe bag!

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