Shower

Taking a shower is my 5 minutes of freedom.

No kids. No worries. Just me and the water.

So as I open the shower door, I’m shocked when I hear a little voice say, “hi mommy.”

And not just any voice, it’s Morris and he’s using that cunning little voice he uses like when he’s about to ask for a popsicle even though he just ate 3, or the same voice when it’s bedtime and he wants “just 5 more minutes please.”

But here’s the kicker, he undresses me with his eyeballs not once, but TWICE. Yes! He looked me up and down like one of those dirty scummy guys in a nightclub that you spend all night avoiding eye contact with because you know he’s gonna ask you to dance or try to buy you a cheap drink. 

I felt so violated, and by a 5 year old. OMG.

It made me think of the time I walked into the bathroom and saw my mom taking a bath. It totally grossed me out. 

Then, I began to worry that Morris would have the same after effects having just seen me in my birthday suit.

So, we had a conversation (after I dressed).

Me: Hey Morris.

Peeping Tom: (in that cunning voice)….HI MOM (eyebrow lift, eyebrow lift).

Me: So, ummm, let’s see….

Morris: (interrupting)…I know you said I couldn’t marry my cousin when I got older.

Me: Yes, that’s right. You can’t marry your cousin.

Morris: And if I have a sister, I can’t marry her either.

Me: Yes, that’s correct.

Morris: Well, can I marry my MOM?

Ok, my kid’s gonna be fine.

 

 

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