In The Cards

I had my cards read.

This isn’t something i normally do, but I was at an event, and there were “spiritual advisers” there, so I thought I’d try it. Oh yeah, and it was FREE.

So, I was told to pick 10 cards. I hesitated because i instantly had a flashback to some movie where they picked the “death” card (cue scary music), and I started thinking with Morris’s obsession about death and all our dead pets, this would be the last thing I would need.

But, I’m a Viking. I sucked it up and randomly selected my fate.

So, before I continue, I must tell you that I really want to believe in palm readers, psychics, and spiritual advisers. But the last time I had one (at another FREE event) I was really excited about my reading. She told me all great things that I wanted to hear. However, when I discovered my friend at the same event got the exact same reading (including the part about how I would buy a piece of property, there was a friendly spirit watching over me, and I would come into a large sum of money soon—yeah, yeah, i know it sounds hokey) I started to question the validity of these readings.

So, I pick my 10 cards and decide I’m gonna have a strategy with the psychic. I’m not gonna give her any true information or any personal details that  might “lead” her to come up with a valid reading. Let’s see if she really can see into my life.

Here’s how it went down:

Psychic Lady: (quietly) Do you want me to do this in front of her (nodding towards Morris)?

Me: Probably not. (Strike 1 for her, after all, she should have known Morris was a boy, right? Morris grabs a toy and jets off)

PL: You are going through something major right now. A very big change in your life.

Me: (OH COME ONE! Is this the best she’s got?…this would apply to anyone) I just sit there and shrug my shoulders (I’m playing it cool).

PL: (Gives me a stern look) You are going through a big turning point in your life but you try to pretend it’s not a big deal…to be strong for your kids. You don’t want them t o worry about you. You have more than one child, right?

Me: (she probably overheard Morris and I talking about his brother when we entered. It’s probably part of her strategy to eavesdrop on everyone’s conversation in case they’re gonna do a reading) Yes, I have more than one child (I’m a pro at playing coy).

PL: You have been under a great deal of stress regarding this situation.

Me: Ummm…not really. I’m pretty happy. Very much a peace (she rolls her eyes at me…I quickly pray she’s not putting a hex on my uncooperative ass).

PL: You always try to be strong for your boys (she had a 50/50 shot if I had a boy or girl…big deal). You don’t want them to feel any of your stress. You want them to feel only your happiness.

Me: Sometimes (most good parents do, right?)

PL: (Getting nowhere with me) Look, your cards show that you are experiencing an extremely major change in your life. One that is not easy to endure, something very stressful and that you are hurt inside but pretend to be fine. You appear to be happy because you want to be strong for your children. You put all your energy in your kids. It’s ok to be vulnerable, because you have a God, a spirit watching over you, guiding you. This is your intuition and it’s telling you that you made the right choice. You have very good intuition. Trust it. You and your children are going to be fine. Very happy. There is a huge burden you carried and struggled with for years that has recently been lifted from your life, but you still have a little ways to go. Politics also played a role in this change.

Me: (Oh Lord, please don’t let me break down into tears…I’ve instantly turned to putty…I smile at her)

PL: Is there anything else you want to know.

Me: Will Brett Favre return to the NFL?…(ok, you guys know I didn’t ask her that. I wanted to, wouldn’t it had been funny if I did?)

ME: What’s in my future (oh, good one Nora…that’s real original…bet she never heard that one before).

PL: Draw 3 more cards.

Me: (I’m getting to be a pro at this)…

PL: You are very creative. You will do some form of creative type project/employment. Do you work now?

Me: Yes (stay at home mom is work!) well, I was previously in the medical field (how did I let that slip? I’m not supposed to be telling her info).

PL: That’s not what’s in your future (no kidding! my license expired). You will do something creative. This is something you love and enjoy but have never pursued before. But your recent new situation will allow you to follow your bliss, and enjoy your creativity. You will do things that make you happy. This is what’s in your future.

Me: Ok. Thank you.

Hmmm..I feel like i need a psychic reading to tell me if my psychic reading was true.

What do you guys think of psychic readings?


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