My 4 Year Old is Really a Man

As Morris gets older, I’m starting to make an extremely profound observation.  Although his birth certificate indicates he is 4.75 yrs old, he is actually a man trapped in a preschooler’s body. Here is why:

1.  I call his name at least 4 times before he responds.

2.  When he’s at home, he is either playing wii or watching tv on the couch (and can do this for hours).

3.  He has 2 wives and 3 girlfriends.

4.  He doesn’t like vegetables but LOVES take-out Chinese and pizza.

5.  He criticizes me all the time.

6.  He is infatuated with boobs.

7.  His favorite word is “jerk.”

8.  When riding in the car, he often tells me to honk at other drivers and call them an “idiot” for no reason.

9. He says “I Love You” maybe once a week. It’s usually when he wants something or I nag him so much he says it just so I’ll leave him alone and he can play wii or watch tv.

10. He doesn’t put the toilet seat down.

11. He enjoys peeing on nature.

12. He wipes my  kisses off ( even sometimes in his sleep).

13. Sometimes he only pees twice a day (and once is usually on nature).

14. He thinks farting is a competition (the louder and stinkier, the better).

15.He hates it when I want to snuggle, hug, or kiss him. But, is always down for a back massage.

16. He thinks he knows EVERYTHING.

17. He sleeps with his Snuggie and Mr. Bear but doesn’t want his friends to know because it will ruin his “tough guy” image.


So is Morris really a man trapped in a 4 year old body, or are men really 4 year olds trapped in a man’s body?  What did I leave off this list?

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